Interview: The Jack Docherty Show
 Transcribed by: Steve Hill, 7th and 8th November 1997.
 
 Show date: 13th August 1997.
 Interviewer: Graham Norton, a scottish (and very camp) comedian who regularly 
 stands in for Jack Docherty when he's away on holiday. Quite a funny guy.


Click on the images to obtain a larger version (each between 60 and 90Kb in size). At 
the end of this page there's a downloadable WAV file (zipped up - 5176Kb compressed) 
so you can hear exactly what was said. Enjoy!

Graham: My next guest. My next guest has coincidentally, yellow skin, spiky hair, comes from a dysfunctional family, and although she's only a two-dimensional character, she's certainly animated. Mmmhmmm. Yes - she's the voice of the brightest star of America's first family, Lisa Simpson. Please whoop like coyotes for.. Yeardley Smith!

[Quite a lot of clapping and cheering. Yeardley and Graham exchange kisses and sit down. Graham says something which is quite unintelligible but has something to do with covering Yeardley's face in his sweat. Nice...]

GN : There you go!

[Whistling and clapping continues.]

GN : It's Yeardley Smith! Oh, I'm so excited.

YS : I'm so excited to be here on British 'telly'. [Pauses. Some people start laughing and cheering again]. This is great.

GN : Oh that's so cool. That's so cool. You really.. you are the voice of.. you are the voice of Lisa Simpson.

YS : Yeah well somebody has to be. That would be me.

[During the next bit from Graham people start laughing, clapping and cheering.]

GN : [Gasps] Isn't that so..no..hang on hang on hang on. I'll tell you what we'll do, no wait wait wait wait wait. Tell you what we're gonna do. [Clapping dies away.] We're all going to shut our eyes. We're all going to shut our eyes and pretend we're watching television. Well, you see what I mean [directed at the people watching at home, obviously...] Right, we all shut our eyes. [To Yeardley] You read a bit of my agony aunt letter there. [a small sketch prior to this interview.]

YS : Okay, very good...

GH : Okay? So, everyone, on the count of three we’ve got to shut our eyes and *be* in a cartoon. Okay. Shut your eyes...one two three now.

YS : "Dear Aunty Graham. I’m a single mum with two teenage sons. [Graham still has his eyes closed at this point, but is waving his arms around madly with excitement at hearing Lisa’s voice] I was beginning to think that.. [struggles to read the next word. Graham is laughing at this point] romance had passed me by."

GH : [Laughing] That’s so fantastic!

[Wild cheering, whooping, clapping, yelling and screaming from the audience.]

GH : I mean i..it is.. is slightly different from your own voice.

YS : [Giggles in the way we all love.]

GH : It’s slightly different, but it...

YS : Yes, no not too much.

GH : Ye.. so I mean, ah, when you go to order drinks at bars and things...

YS : Oh yeah [she knows what’s coming up next...]

GH : ...do the bartenders go "You’re only eight!"

YS : Yes [laughing]. "Can I see your ID please?" Yeah. No, and actually if I, um, order anything over the telephone. [they] say "You know, you sound like that girl. That girl on that show". And you think "Hmmm" and you give your name and it’s a dead giveaway...

GH : [Laughing.]

YS : so.. Well people are usually really excited. Sometimes they come up and hug you in the..or hug me in the supermarket like.. [adopts louder voice and flings her arms out, ready to hug] "Aaahhh! I *love* you! I want to take you home to my mother! [flings arms around ‘herself and grunts while she does it]. And you’re thinking "I’m just picking out soup here man..."

[Laughing from Graham and the audience.]

YS : It’s sort of a little bit.. I’m so unprepared for it. I’m sort of a really sloppy celebrity that way.

GH : And how do.. how do.. little kids who believe it completely react?

YS : Um, not so well actually. It’s..it’s sort of funny ‘cos their parents, um, will bring them - someti..sometimes if they get a pass, you know, to the Twentieth Century Fox studios, they come down and see a recording of ‘The Simpsons’, and, uh.. "Okay okay, do the voice!" And if the children are sort of...seven or eight and under, and we do the voice they look at yo..they’re absolutely striken, like "Who the *hell are you*? [audience starts laughing] And *what* are you doing?!" It completely shatters their world. And the parents are there going [adopts high-pitched voice and starts clapping] "Ooh it’s good, I love it, it’s so funny!" The child is like [fake crying] "I hate this! This is terrible!"

[Everyone, including Yeardley laughs.]

YS : ..It’s sort of a bust really.

GN : Yeah, you were there, ‘at the scene of trauma.’

YS : I was...

[Yeardley and Graham fight for the next line..]

GN : Psychia...

YS : I..I *was* the trauma., so..

GN : Psychiatrists all over the country are thinking "Go Yeardley, go!"

YS : "Yes! Money money money!", so..

GH : "Freak them out!"

YS : Yes [laughing] "Send them to us!"

[They both laugh until the moment dies away.]

YS : So..

GN : Well, th..the thing is, you don’t look like her. [Yeardley looks at the audience and mocks a sign of relief] You don’t.

YS : No. [Yeardley breaks into a laugh. The audience starts laughing.]

GN : I just thought I’d p..I just thought I’d say that now. You know..’but the way, er, pet owners, gradually over years...

YS : ..Yeeass! Look like their pets.

GN : [Talking over Yeardley] ..start to look like their dogs.

YS : [Still talking] very much so.

GN : Do you think you are, slowly starting to look like her?

YS : E-gad! I’ll be chinless with buck teeth and four fingers? Yikes! [Sounding very much like a prepared answer.]

[Laughing from the audience and Graham.]

YS : ..Actually though. The animators, uh, in the beginning, they used to come to the recording sessions and, uh, sort of sketch our mannerisms. So in the early episodes you would watch and I would see Lisa Simpson do something and you go [Gasps with fright] "That’s me! I *do* that!", you know like [makes a noise that’s very hard to describe, but she’s trying to sound shocked] a window into my secret world. So it’s a lit..little unnerving. Now of course we’re all so used it and they’re like "Aaahh, [dismissive wave of her hand] get over it!"

GN : Actually, I’ll tell yo.. I’ll tell you what, em, let’s have a look, let’s have a look..

YS : [Adopting very posh English accent, which isn’t that bad at *all*] "Oh let’s *do*!"

GN : ...You doing some of your vocal japery.

YS : "Oh stop!"

GN : Okay, let’s have a look now.

[Cut to clip of The Simpsons. Homer, Lisa and Bart are on some sort of dump site, sifting through the rubbish. Lisa finds a Malibu Stacey doll with no head. The head of a rat pops through the hole in the doll’s neck. Lisa screams and drops the doll. Homer sees this and laughs, until a weasel (or a similar creature) pops out of the basketball half that Homer has. It attacks Homer with poetic justice. Bart calls Lisa and Homer over - "There is something that you won’t believe!" clip ends.]

GN : Ooohhh!

[The audience break into cheering and applause.]

GN : What is that? Do you know?

YS : No idea. [Audience still clapping. Graham and Yeardley wait for the audience to settle.]

GN : No memory of that episode at all.

YS : None whatsoever. I am such a disappointment. People come up to you and go "So! Remember that episode where you did the thing, and the thing. And what about that reference when you did the..." And you’re just thinking "What are you talking about? I have *no* clue!" And they’re actually really disappointed, like [adopts crying voice again] "I can’t believe you don’t remember my favourite episode." You think [looks really sorry] It was, you know, a *day*. I..I’m *so* sorry.

GN : Of course, you don’t even have to learn it, do you?

YS : No, we read it. It’s the easiest gig in town. You could show up in your pyjamas if you’d like. I sort of cleaned it up a little bit for you here today, so...

GN : Oh, bless you. [Yeardley giggles] bless you. We appreciate the effort... YS : [Talking over Graham] Thanks ever so. GN : ..[To audience] Don’t we? We do.

[Audience laugh.]

GN : But no, th..the thing is though, I... Yo..Working with the other actors, when you’re reading it to each other..

YS : Yes..

GN : When you’re doing the dialogue, say, to Homer. Do yo.. do you see the *actor*, or are you, in your head, kind of speaking to Homer, the drawing?

YS : No, y..you do sort of speak to Homer, I mean, when you get inside a character you can’t...y..you can’t break what we call the ‘fourth wall’. You can’t necessarily be aware of people watching you and, aware of the audience in the way that I’m aware of them now - it’s absolutely *terrifying*....Uh..

GN : [Sympathetically] Aaahhhh. They’re lovely!

[Yeardley laughs. A few ‘aaahh’s are heard from the audience].

YS : No, they *are* lovely..

GN : Ye, aren’t they.

YS : ..I’m just like a *wreak* up here. [Rubs her hands on her trousers in exaggerated nervousness]. Um, so yeah, you sink into the character and you do that thing and that’s what makes it.. I think that’s part of what gives the hear.. [correcting herself] uh, the show, so much heart. ‘Cause everybody’s so completely committed to what they’re doing.

GN : Now we are going to see your face more and more, yo..‘cause y. you’re..

YS : [Talking over Graham] Yes I have a...

GN : in a movie coming out with Jack Nicholson.

YS : Yeah, I got a big fat film coming out.

GN : What’s that called?

YS : It’s called "Old Friends."

GN : [Gasps in astonishment] "Old Friends" I was on the set of that in New York.

YS : Oh, you were!

GN : I was!

YS : Yes! They did some stuff in New York.

GN : Oohhh, how bizarre....

YS : Yeah, isn’t that funny?

GN : ..Like anyone watching cares... [audience laughs] But, uh, sorry - it thrilled me for a moment. [Laughs.] So, when is that due to come out? That comes out in the fall. [I think that last sentence is what he says. But I don’t know why - we don’t use ‘fall’ in England :-)]

YS : It comes out at Christmas.

GN : Well, we look forward to that..

YS : Yeah, thanks. [She’s says it sounding nicer than it reads.]

GN : ..and obviously we’ve got ‘The Simpsons’ to be enjoying...

YS : Thank you.

GN : ...in the meantime.

YS : [Interrupting] Can I actually tell you I’m in London?

GN : Oh! Go ahead!

YS : I’ve actually come to see you.

GN : Aaaawwww.

YS : And...

GN : You’ve done that - what next?

YS : I’m a...I’m signing animation cells at the Animation Art Gallery in Oxford Circus in London on Saturday [to camera] so come! Come and see me!

[I did! Click here for details...]

GN : Do! Do! I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you. Sh..You’re lovely...I...

YS : I don’t bite...much, or too hard.

GN : I’d go to Oxford Circus. I would. I would.

YS :[Ecstatically] You would?!

GN : Awwww..

YS : Come on down!

GN : Ladies and gentlemen [Yeardley giggles].... Yeardley Smith!

[*Huge* amounts of whooping, whistling and cheering. Yeardley and Graham exchange a few words but you can’t hear what they’re saying.]

GN : [As the noise starts to die away] Well! Ooo-hoooo. Yeardley Smith. Soooooo cute.